Fighting For A Good Story

I remember a Saturday Night Live sketch from years ago. It was an Irish talk show co-hosted by two guys named Patrick Fitzwilliam and William Fitzpatrick who did nothing but drink, then fight, then hug and make up in an endless loop. I searched for it online and couldn't find a trace which means either a) it has been scrubbed from the web because it was offensive to Irish, or b) I never saw it but only dreamed I did, in which case I should stop writing this blog and call Lorne Michaels right away. In any case, it was a funny premise — the prototypical Irishmen drinking, fighting and remaining best friends. I wonder if there's a lesson in that as well as a laugh.

I spent most of last week at the Storyline Conference in San Diego. Storyline is hosted by author Donald Miller and it's about the story God is writing with each of our lives. Miller walked us through a process of identifying their own character and ambitions in an effort to help us live a better story. It's really a terrific exercise. I recommend the conference. I also recommend hanging out in San Diego, but that's a different story.

A big part of the conference was about conflict because, frankly, that's a big part of any interesting story. Miller asked us to think of our lives as a movie. If the highest ambition of our lives is to make a comfortable living, send our kids to college, and buy a Volvo, that doesn't make for a very good movie. When the hero drives off the Volvo lot in his new ride, having achieved his ambition, and the credits roll, no one is reaching for the Kleenex. Too often, our lives get hijacked by small stories. And the reason that's true is that we tend to avoid conflict. We want a story where everyone gets along, but that's not a very interesting story, so it's not a very ambitious life.

Imagine your friends at your funeral one day. What eulogy would you like them to give?

"Ryan was a swell guy. We hung out a lot and had lots of laughs. We never disagreed and never failed at anything. I never saw him tested or stirred. Just calm and comfortable, just the way we wanted it."

or

"Ryan and I laughed, cried, prayed, confessed, fought, and served together. We sweat and bled together. Sometimes we disagreed but the disagreement made us better. I always knew he wanted the best for me. I always knew he had my back. And that was good because we tried some pretty impossible things together — some might say foolish things."

I'd take the latter any day. We have to learn to love one another, but not for the sake of loving one another. Our purpose is that the world will know us by our love, that we will unveil the kingdom reign of God by our community. Sometimes that means persevering through conflict. Sometimes that means fighting fair with your brother and then making up, instead of choosing to be martyred for your convictions and giving up on the relationship.

What story is your life writing? What story is your church writing? Is it a story about making schedules work and figuring out what to do with the kids? Is it a story about Bible knowledge? Or is it a story about transforming lives, bringing shalom, iron sharpening iron? The best way to write a good story is to imagine the climactic scene — the consummation of the story just before the credits roll — and then address every decision along the way through that filter. Is this a scene that fits with the end of the story I want to tell?