Sears, Roebuck and King David

My dad hates Sears. I don't remember why. He once got a bad product or bad service there and now he refuses to shop there. I do remember the first time he told me that, though. I'm pretty sure his exact words were, "We don't shop at Sears," as if this was a family dictum passed down from father to son since the days of Roebuck. If I asked him about it now, he probably wouldn't remember his vendetta against Sears, but it made an impression on me years ago.

I remembered the Sanders / Sears Feud this morning when I read King David's dying words to his son Solomon in 1 Kings 2. In just of 12 verses, as David feels the pull of eternity and struggles to deliver one last admonition to his beloved son and heir, the Great King of Israel, the man after God's own heart leaves Solomon with two important tasks:

• Kill Joab.
• Kill Shimei.

Seriously, that's it. Verse 1 says, "When the time drew near for David to die, he gave a charge to Solomon his son." Then he tells him who to bump off. I had to double-check to see if I was reading out of the Martin Scorsese-edited version (The Freakin' Message). Suddenly, I pictured David with an Italian accent and Solomon in a double breasted suit and fedora.

"Hey, Sol. Come over here. I got a job for ya. I got two wise guys I need yous to whack."

There are probably lessons here about Machiavellian power struggles or just getting bitter in our old age, but the question I landed on had to do with Sears. While I was patting myself on the back, ("At least my family isn't that bad") I wondered, "What vendettas am I leaving to my son?" What subtle messages am I sending? We don't associate with those people. We don't behave like those people. We make fun of these other people.

Mind you, I don't think that's all bad. I don't think it's immoral for me to inherit my dad's disdain for Sears. I'm sure my son will inherit some of my biases as well as some of my good qualities. I just want to be careful. I just want to be aware of which family feuds I'm fueling.

"See how these people oppress others and violate human rights? We don't approve of that, son."
"See how these people celebrate sin? That's a shame, son."
"See how these people wear saggy pants? They are evil and stupid, son."

It may be harder than we think to edit our parenting messages and deliver them clearly. Somewhere between my dad and king David, there's a balance to strike. I hope I'm finding the right center point.

What about you? What biases did your parents pass on to you—good or bad? What vendettas are you passing on to your kids?