Enlightenment On Demand

I went for a run this morning. I haven't run in a while, but I felt like I needed to clear my head. Plus, I couldn't sleep. So I ran.

I've got some decisions to make - a lot of stuff going on with work, family, church, etc. Kind-of stressed because decisions always stress me out. I'm working on being more decisive.

Anyway, I went out running and I think I was expecting some kind of illumination - like God would speak while I panted. He didn't. No illumination. Not even a decent sunrise. Too cloudy.

I do that a lot - try to schedule my enlightenment. I'll go on a retreat or just to the park to pray and expect to hear from God - especially if I'm facing a big decision. I go off somewhere and piddle around waiting for the answer to slap me in the face, and then I'm kind-of disappointed when the retreat is over or I finish my run around the block and I get back home without any answers.

Maybe it would be enlightenment to realize that answers don't come that way. Maybe God doesn't always want to give me a skirt to hide my decisions behind so that, if it turns out to be a bad decision, I can't say with pursed lips, "Well, I really felt like that was what God was calling me to do." Maybe he's forcing me to be a man - stand up and pull the trigger and deal with the consequences of my decision - good or bad.

Or maybe things were just too cloudy this morning.