It's Hard To Be Lawless

Here's part of today's reading that got me thinking. (Have you noticed the new addition to this blog? The lectionary at the right of this page updates itself every day!)

The law always ended up being used as a Band-Aid on sin instead of a deep healing of it. And now what the law code asked for but we couldn’t deliver is accomplished as we, instead of redoubling our own efforts, simply embrace what the Spirit is doing in us.

Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust God’s action in them find that god’s Spirit is in them - living and breathing God! Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end, attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on god.

Anyone completely absorbed in self ignores God, ends up thinking more about self than God. That person ignores who God is and what he is doing.

Romans 8:3-8 (Message)

As much as I understand this concept mentally, I still have a hard time living it. When I sin – every time I sin – I tend to hide from God for a few days until things “blow over”. I find it almost impossible to face God for a while after I sin. That leads to this whole mindset that I’ve been in for years – that things have to go right for a while before I can feel really comfortable praying, worshiping, etc. I have to have a winning streak before I can feel good about my relationship with God.
But at its core, that is living under the law, not under grace. When I fail, that is exactly when I should run to the Lord.
I understand Romans. I know the logic well. I don’t put it in practice very well, though.